Everything fades away..

Nothing can be captured in the frame of time.. It's only the memories that last. Beauty wither away, and relationships stale. At every phase of life, we are surrendered by different people... Some on whom we depend and some who are dependable on us. Older dreams are replaced by the new ones, small ambitions with the mightier ones. At some point in time, we find ourselves embroiled in the dogma of what and how, without having any recourse to 'why' 'miffed in between. But with each passing day, we learn and grow.

Today, while I have turned 26, I am wondering  why most of my counterparts twitch while acknowledging their age..why do I need to be worried of turning old?? When I see myself in the mirror, do I freak out seeing those two white strands in my hair, or do I swoon at the glimpse of  sunken dark circles underneath my eyes..or the thought of increasing my spend on anti aging or wrinkle free creams makes me sick? Why do I receive uncalled advises for getting married just because I am surpassing the ideal age? I am struggling to unravel the mystery of beauty and age!!

It might not be so easy to accept that everything fades away...hair will turn grey,  and someday dark circles and wrinkles will also surface.. But a thought and the memories instilled in your mind and heart will never shrivel up. A thought that you are beautiful and a memory that made you feel beautiful will be etched you in your pages of life. Be the writer of that book of your life. You are not beautiful because of your  hair or skin.... you are beautiful because of your heart and soul. With each experience you may have in your life, your belief in yourself will grow. And this radiant belief will make you appealing!

I am reminded of one of my favorite tracks by Poets of Fall:

"Everything fades away come turning off the tide

For your love, I'm sorry

For your pain don't worry

Everything fades away..."

The only thing which is invincible is self belief.. rest everything fades away...

With this, I feel I am growing beautiful with each passing year !!!

Do you fear of being alone?

STAY AFLOAT..that is what you will try to hook yourself to, when you are cornered by the fears of being alone. 'Loneliness' may sound grey while 'Solace' will reverberate as energy. Again the way you perceive! 

But the truth is how much introvert you may be, you will have such presumptive fears to be left alone. For the supposedly extroverts, loneliness can be catastrophic. You may have dozens of good people around you, best of friends and a perfect family, but you may still have those pangs of loneliness.  Like the way you just want to vent out and cry, shriek and scream, express or convey. When you want to let go yourself while you are bogged down by the present or scared about the future...when you acknowledge that you cannot always stand tall and upright, strong and rooted. For it is necessary to give way to your emotions, puke that trash and get clear from within. Those are the moments when your "being happily single" status bites you in your ass. Those are the points when life is nothing more than a defeat or a routine stuffed with boredom; when dreams appear surreal and ambitions turn oppressive. Like a rappelling waterfall may cut through any hard rock, the pain of being alone may tear away the soul.

The brighter side is to find solace in that hour, one which infuses you with energy. For the introverts, it is a tool to gain focus, a moment  of recollection and resurrection. A time when you feel relieved and relaxed; when you get closer to your own self and speak your heart and mind. This is when you feel rejuvenated to reach the skies and touch upon your ambitions, to move beyond your limitations and see the wildfire in you..It is the time when you are at peace with yourself, you take accountability of your choices and decisions. When in those solitary moments, you don't daydream; instead you draw goals. You do not want to share yourself with anyone, for you admire this very moment.

You might have encountered both of them, someday, sometime or some night.. When it happens again, just tell yourself that it is a moment because it all depends on how you perceive..
All you have to do is to Stay Afloat, all the while!!!
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Image credits: http://tapestrysb.wordpress.com/

When you see a tunnel...

When was the last time you felt inside a tunnel? Like the one who is standing alone and lost but determined to find the way out. Like the one who wishes to make that prolonged whistling sound before it is whizzed out. Like the one who can see through the light even in the charcoal black darkness. 

Standing at the start point it always feels it is too long, and the feeling get transpired to mind through a thought that makes the journey arduous. Bogged down by our own expectations, we alienate ourselves from the small pleasures of wins. We may over achieve or under achieve, but achievement is never celebrated and underachieved is never forgotten. And time eludes us...

I was standing, with the head held high,
Wind blew, scattering that was all nigh.
Sauntering in the Sunlight,beckoning the Lord,
I lay determined for all His chords.
A ferocious wave for me was send,
This was the time He wanted me to mend.
Spilled, fretted, bemused was I,
Broken dreams could pass through my eye.
Hopes and Desires as scaffold-
Embarked on an Odyssey with turns manifold;
Whirled by the expectations,
Shrouded in manifestations-
I moved along unfettered;
Stooped, smacked or applauded,
Hoodwinked at what makes me contended.
Pacing with the slipping time,
Taking caution for all my strides,
I will stand with  my head holding high,
Whether waves or winds now fly.
For I believe there is light,
My tunnel can't be longer than life.

Random Call

I called her up and we spoke for more than half an hour. From our PhD anxieties to job trivia, from our quest of life being a roller coaster to being still single....few are the people with whom you connect effortlessly. We giggled, we exclaimed and the ecstasy of an unexpected call was getting transpired through the phone. With an assurance to meet each other soon, we bid goodbye! And I was left with a smile which lasted long enough to be felt.

I was skimming through some old files on my laptop when I stumbled upon the photographs of a trip. And there I got stuck. Passing from one frame to another, I could only see her ever endearing smile, her unfathomable affinity for unknown kids, and the warmth of a protectionist friend. One of the best reward of going to Bangalore has been the experience of knowing amazing people, she being one of them.  

I spotted her first time at the NLS canteen the day we came for our entrance test for PhD. She appeared to me desolate and lost in the pool of papers scrambled on the table, fretted by the test which was about to start in few minutes. Second time I spotted her with her mini laptop, when we cleared the test and were flurried by the presentation before the panel only to get the admission. Few days later we again met and this time we were fellow researchers. We stayed awake for long conversations, for debates and discussions, for sharing our woes and feats. Attending classes to watching sitcoms, I came to know about a different world that time. She was a person who could feel other's hunger, who could buy a chocolate for a kid of a labor with the last penny in her pocket, who can travel alone without a ticket,who would help selflessly, who could be insanely stubborn, who amuses by her quirky boyish manoeuvres all of a sudden,  yet would be unassuming. I admired her courage to be just herself all the time, with not a slightest of an iota of pretence, overwhelming energy that resonated her simplicity. Our friendship was beyond any expectation or any formal ritual.

We moved on with our jobs and life, with new friends and new woes, moving out of touch. Months passed and one fine day I came to know about the tragedy she went through. I could not believe it. I frantically tried to get her contact number. I did get that but could not muster the strength to call her... to support her, to give my condolences, to give a shoulder... The adversities in life put you on a threshold where the survival appear bleak. One is left with two choices- get knocked down or knock it down. I know, she will always choose the second. 

I returned to my inflicted routine. After sometime I got in touch with her, but not a regular one. So today when I was stuck at the pictures which took me down to the memory lane, I budged for a second only to take out her number from the contact list. That random call made me felt connected, for life is too short to speak your heart...and an unannounced random call to a friend will only leave you with a smile!!!

Photo credits: http://www.freepik.com/

Sky is the Limit

Hope as strong as wings,
Dreams as clear as vision,
What then can bound me,
For, Sky is the limit.

Aim as clear as the sky,
Freedom as wide as universe,
What then can bound me,
For, Sky is the limit.

Conflict....

With a forlorn attempt to escape the conflict, I ended up writing these lines at one late midnight in the NLS hostel under the perfect star strewn night of Bangalore in the month of May:

Even with eyes wide open,
Image is blurred.
Even with layers of cerebrum entangled,
Heart stays confined.
With ignition of desire
Perpetuating the fence of self-control
Unmasking what is shoved underneath.
Brutal is the trampling
Leaving bereft with uncurable pain.
Can the shattered pieces
Ever conjure an image??
Will the valve of trust and faith,
Could help pass this maze!!

It's the Beginning....

After a much procrastination, I recollected myself to write a blog. Not that I write great and over here tend to meet any expectations. So far I had confined my  thoughts to a personal diary, why? Just because I am a lazy lout and technology averse; kind of one who uses phone nothing more than for calling and messaging. Starting a blog was on my New Year Resolution list (this 'new year' is 2013 which is no more new!!). Though it comes towards end but I am elated that it has begun!!

Writing helps in clearing mind and heart, and the delight you experience when you turn overleaf the pages you wrote a year back. You witness how have you evolved, how have you grown and how detached or attached you are now. I write for myself...I pen down when I am ecstatic or when I am shattered, when I am overwhelmed or when I am confused. My writings bring me close to myself, for while writing I experience the most important freedom , that is, to be what you really are.

Sitting right now, I am unable to arrange the array of thoughts crossing over my mind, what to start with. Each of them is competing with other, to be churned out first.. They say "well begun is half done". And so I am pacifying them saying "....it's only the Beginning!!!!!"